Midlife Blues? These 7 Tips From an Expert Can Help You Feel Happier

You worked hard, maneuvered the ups and downs of life, conquered challenges, and climbed the hill to make it to middle age. It's a time to look back at what you've achieved, marvel at your accomplishments and be proud of what you've done so far. But while some are happy with where they're at, others feel turmoil, anxiousness and dissatisfaction combined with a strong desire for change. It's called a midlife crisis and it usually takes place between the ages of 40-60.  While not everyone will experience midlife blues, for those who do, here's seven ways to feel happier from Dr. Anders Hansen is a psychiatrist and bestselling author of The Happiness Cure: Why You're Not Built for Constant Happiness.

Being in a happy committed relationship takes work and it's not always easy, especially trying to juggle a career, kids, and other responsibilities. "Our happiness reaches a low point in our forties, and one reason for this may be that many of us experience a lot of pressure in midlife — we're raising a family, we need to perform at work, we have many obligations," Dr. Hansen told The Times. "It can mean that our supposedly secure long-term relationships are not prioritized, but research shows that the quality of our relationships is the most important factor in our level of contentment. No matter how busy you are, spend time with those who are dear to you."

Career isn't everything. Just because you have money, status and prestige doesn't mean you'll escape the middle aged blues. "In midlife we may be in a high-status job yet happiness eludes us," Dr. Hansen said. "We believe that if we can just earn that magic amount of money we'll be happy. I've seen this so often with entrepreneurs who've reached their financial goals and say: "Now I'm going to be happy forever." They retire early, spend a couple of months pleasure-seeking, then just feel empty. Because happiness is not a state. It's something you experience on the way to your goals. It's in the pursuit."  He adds, "We want to contribute. So when we get what we want we are confused when we don't feel great — but we are wired to constantly strive, and pleasant feelings are meant to be short-term. If we can understand these biological truths it can help us to get our priorities straight and discover what is important to us."

We live in a culture that's never satisfied, wants instant gratification and always desires more. But wanting more will not fulfill a void. Dr. Hansen explains, "people buy 200m yachts and still feel poor. If you notice this pattern in yourself, of always buying more but feeling only brief pleasure before your mood drops again, it's helpful to be aware of how your brain is wired." He adds, "It constantly wants you to seek more, yet what was great yesterday will be what you expect today and will not be enough tomorrow. When you understand that it's easier to make changes."

It's nice to see likes and comments pour in with each new social media post, but that doesn't replace having real friends and personal connections. Relying on disingenuous or superficial interactions is a fast way to feel alone, and  Dr. Hansen stresses the importance of seeing people in person. "Belonging was as important as having food. So when we are isolated we are in a state that historically is very dangerous, and this activates our stress systems," he explained. "We are ultra-social, and those social needs have been shaped over millions of years of meeting face to face. We can substitute some of that for communicating via a screen, but not all of it."

Many have the expectation that when they have everything they think they want in life, they'll constantly be happy. But that isn't true. "If humans constantly felt happy and good they'd stop searching for resources and starve,"  Dr. Hansen stated. "We are the descendants of those who kept striving. The point of feelings is to encourage us towards behaviors that help us to survive. As I explain to my patients, constant happiness is not a state that's possible for the brain, so if you expect it you'll be disappointed."

Sadness, stress, worry and other negative emotions are part of life. It's normal to experience a range of feelings and Dr. Hansen encourages people to "befriend" them. "It's important that we pay attention to our negative emotions rather than run away from them," he said. "If we feel sad because a friend has moved away, or angry because our boss has been rude, these emotions are messages. They're telling us something important — perhaps that something has to change, or that we need to look after ourselves. So we need to befriend these emotions. When we listen to what they're telling us we work through them and they pass, and we feel better."

"Exercise also makes us more resistant to stress," Dr. Hansen said. "Physical activity is actually a form of stress for the body — our heart rate increases because our muscles need more blood, and the level of the stress hormone cortisol increases. After exercise, cortisol drops to a lower level than before you began." He added, "Exercise teaches the body not to react so strongly to stress, regardless of what causes that stress."