8 Small Things That Are Destroying Your Marriage and How to Fix Them
Marriages can go wrong in so many ways.
Marriages can go wrong in so many ways. There can be major acts of betrayal, such as infidelity, or a litany of smaller issues that build up, almost imperceptibly, until it becomes clear a relationship is simply beyond saving. Telegraph columnist Shane Watson recently pinpointed some of these small things that can destroy a marriage—and how lethal damage can be avoided.
"This is particularly dangerous in the earlyish days of marriage," Watson warns, when you may act out from the stress of realizing your finances are bound to someone else's. "Could be a car. Could be a boat. Could be a small hut—it's always something along those lines," Watson writes—it's always a bad idea. You don't want to drop a "selfish purchase bomb" on a spouse at any point.
"If you know in your heart that your name has flashed up on the screen and the person to whom you are married for life has ignored the call because they hate you a bit at that moment… it's a small crisis," Watson writes.
If one of you has friends the other can't stand hanging out with, don't wait around for the friends to become appealing—it won't happen. Dump them for the good of your marriage. Your spouse will respect the sacrifice.
If you and your spouse have stopped being physically intimate, it's always a danger sign. Communication can clear it up. "Could be serious or could be a misunderstanding arising from a particularly stressful stretch of life when both of you thought the other one couldn't possibly be in the mood," says Watson.
"It's hard to get your head around a difference of opinion on matters close to your heart," says Watson. Finding out you have less in common than you thought can be traumatic.
Apparently, when natural disasters are in the news, marital stress can result when partners re-evaluate how heroic their chosen mates are capable of being. "Around the time of the tsunami, a lot of couples experienced tsunami marital stress, because a lot of women were thinking, 'blimey, there is no way he'd have tied us all to a palm tree—and a lot of men were thinking, 'Christ, I wouldn't have a clue.'" It might be a good idea to turn off the news during these coverage cycles.
Not for sex, but for opinions. "Seeking an opinion on something important and personal from another party" can cause serious resentment. Luckily, it's easy to avoid.
If your partner entrusts you to complete an errand, make sure you pay attention to instructions and execute the task to the letter. Any questions, ask them. "If you are relying on someone to do something for you and they fail to complete this simple task on your behalf, leaving you no time to sort it out, it does have a profound impact," says Watson. "You develop trust issues. And micromanagement issues. And you may become one of those 'Oh I'll just do it myself!' people." The resulting bitterness can be disastrous for a marriage.