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"Narcissistic" Influencer Shares Bone-Chilling Details About How She Manipulated People

TikTok has a lot to say about a reformed narcissist who is sharing details about how she's treated others. 

A confessed narcissist is coming clean about her "abusive" behavior towards others on TikTok and revealed she's reforming. Lilith, who goes by the username toxiccwaste0 and claims she was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder in 2021 has created a series of videos confessing how her toxic days are behind her. "Everything that I said and did was thought out to get reactions and to get people to do certain things," she admitted.

In one TikTok, she states, "I am not the victim" and is owning up to the horrific things she's done to traumatize people. In another one, she writes in the caption, "I am not someone to praise for what I've done. If anything, I'm a cautionary tale for what happens when someone disregards themselves so much they start to do more harm onto others." She's getting a lot of supportive feedback from viewers, and here's why according to the commenters. 

Lilith Took Pleasure in Traumatizing Others

@toxiccwaste0 Replying to @jakiviachantae I always said I'd answer anything honestly, I honestly am so ashamed of this stuff and it's mad weird of me to put it on the internet but here I am lol #npdtiktok #clusterbpersonalitydisorder #narcawareness #narcissist ♬ original sound – lilith

In one video that's been viewed over 670,000 times, Lilith said, "I pushed people to really bad places. I would push people mentally to very distraught places, to very traumatized places.I would pull them into their trauma. I would figure out their trauma and their triggers, and then I would slowly dose them with their triggers and their trauma to put them into fight or flight mode, so then I could have more control over them."

When a viewer asked the worst thing she's done, Lilith shared how she told someone "to kill himself. I was being really mean and making him cry all the time. I would like lie to him give him like doses of what he wanted, but I was mostly just really abusive. I was just like 'you're such a piece of s**t and nobody really cares about you.' I just wanted to keep him so I could keep using him. That complete disregard is the worst thing mentally."

She Says She Accepted $150K From Someone and was Abusive Towards Him

@toxiccwaste0 Replying to @toxiccwaste0 Addressing everything I could in one vid, like I said before & will say again, I am not someone to praise for what I've done. If anything, I'm a cautionary tale for what happens when someone disregards themselves so much they start to do harm onto others. Yes I also address the money in this vid too. #clusterbpersonalitydisorder #narcissistapologies ♬ original sound – lilith

The same person Lilith told to kill himself, also gave her a large sum of money. She said, "I had one person so stuck on me that he ended up sending me $150,000 during the pandemic, and he was not getting anything from me." In a recent TikTok, Lilith said, "I offered to pay a portion of the money back and he refused. I got that money over the course of three years. It was over the pandemic while the coronavirus was happening. It wasn't like I got $150,000 in one go. Do I feel remorse for what I did? Yes, I do. Have I apologized? Yes, I have. Have we both moved on? Yes, I think we have. I can't speak for him, but it seems as though he has moved on. He's in a new relationship, they live together and we don't speak. Do I still recognize that my actions were horrific? Yes! Do I still recognize that even if he's okay that doesn't absolve me of it. Yes!"

Lilith said, "I also admit that at one point in my life I thought that all of this was cool. I thought that manipulating people and having the ability to like implant thoughts into people's brains by like suggestive thought was cool and I liked doing it. Now I feel disgusted and I don't think that it's right."

Lilith has been open about her struggle with her disorder and "had to work really hard" to get to where she is now, which is remorseful, honest about her actions and accepting accountability. "I want to help other people who are on the same journey, or other people going through what I put people through. I feel bad. I wasn't able to always feel bad. That took time and work."

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Why People are Praising Lilith

@toxiccwaste0 Replying to @ohelloheather when I was able to handle the truth of my actions I feel like it set me free in a sense & allowed me to continue to set myself free from reactive behavior. #narcissist #actuallynpd #narcawareness #clusterbpersonalitydisorder #clusterb ♬ original sound – lilith

Scroll through the comment section of any of her TikToks about this subject, and you'll find plenty of positive messages. While some people don't believe Lilith has changed and has said there was "nothing behind" her eyes, while others remarked she was "scary" and "got a feeling she doesn't actually feel bad about this," there's a lot of encouraging comments thanking Lilith for coming forward. Narcissists who are self-aware are very "few are far between," one person said, while another said the kind of accountability Lilith was taking was "not seen enough." "All I've ever wanted from the people who treated me this way was to admit it and attempt to live in their truth," one comment says. "I appreciate you. You deserve to heal."

Another commenter writes, "Most people don't do this. They just keep doing their bad habits. The fact that she is taking accountability and has grown is a legit thing…And I'm really proud of you." One user gave a very personal account of his experience with a narcissist and said, "I am recovering from a series of strokes that put me in a coma for 4 days as a result of what a narc put me through. Thank you for bringing awareness." Others are happy to see Lilith's growth and don't hold her previous ways against her. "As a victim of narcissistic abuse, I am absolutely rooting for you and your growth. I wouldn't hold your past against you."

Heather Newgen
Heather Newgen has two decades of experience reporting and writing about health, fitness, entertainment and travel. Heather currently freelances for several publications. Read more
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