"What Sucks When You Get Married?" Spouses Share Harsh Truths
People are taking to Reddit to complain about things their spouse does. Here’s seven of the most common gripes.
Marriage isn't for everyone. There's plenty of happily single people who are fulfilled in their solo lives, but anyone who has taken the plunge knows the amount of effort needed to keep the relationship strong. While marriage can be a beautiful and wonderful institution that provides lifelong memories, it can also be challenging, difficult and hard work. It's not always a happy time and people are sounding off about their marriage struggles in the Reddit thread "what sucks when you get married?" So far there's more than 14,000 comments and here's just some of the most common complaints.
Dealing with In-Laws
There's many reasons why relationships with in-laws can get messy, so adjusting expectations and having healthy boundaries is always recommended. But even with great in-laws there can be added stress to the marriage and some Reddit users are not shy about talking about their family issues. One commenter wrote, "Finding out that your in laws (who put up with you and tried to act nice till you got married) are really [not nice people] that normal people don't want to deal with." Another wrote, "I'd always heard that my [mother-in-law] was controlling and narcissistic, but never really saw it. I thought it was cute if maybe a bit weird when we first got married and she started calling us both 'my kids.' I did not realize she meant that as in I had literally become her property. That relationship went downhill …" Someone else chimed in and shared, 'Having to split the holidays between the in-laws and always having someone mad because you can't be at two places at once! Sux! Because all you want is a peaceful time. It gets worse once you have kids. They all want to see the kids of course. We've since moved away from everyone and still get harassed about visiting but with our health issues,it's hard to travel so too bad so sad. LOL"
Having Houseguests All the Time
Seeing eye-to-eye on how often you have guests over is a big conservation in the thread. While having mutual friends and socializing can be a great time, things can sour quickly if you don't have the same idea on how frequently you have people over. One person shared, "Love my wife dearly. But she got into a habit of inviting friends and family to stay over with us for a weekend, and not telling me until the invitation was already made. It took some time before I could convince her not to do that." Another commenter stated, "Some friends' marriages ended after something like this (after ~2 years of couple therapy.) He loved entertaining and having people over. She would get home late from work (7pm) to find 6+ people in their house socialising. He thought it was rude that she would spend 30min-1hr after getting home 'ignoring guests' (she'd say hi and be polite, but then go off and do her own thing for a bit… like go to the toilet…) This was happening 2-3 times a week and they also had group/friend get togethers most weekends. What confused me is that most people seem to side with him. Well, I guess he was the more social one…"
Eating the Other Person's Leftovers
Eating someone's leftovers is a big no-no according to Reddit users. One woman revealed, "Once when I was pregnant, I'd spend all day thinking about the sandwich I was going to make with the leftover meatloaf. When you're in the second trimester of pregnant, food tastes unbelievably good, and I'd finally started cooking again after the first 3 months of feeling awful. Got home and not only had he used the meatloaf, he'd used it as some kind of OMELET FILLING. THE RAGE I felt, the disbelief, the sadness. That kid I was pregnant with is almost 14 and I still bring up the MEATLOAF OMELET every few years." Other people agree. "Your outrage at the meatloaf omelet is absolute gold!," someone replied. "I love that it has been called back for the last 14 years! Also, I completely agree with you about it being the wrong use for leftover meatloaf." Another person commented, "Someone else eating the leftovers/chocolate/snack you've been looking forward to all day. The thought of that delicious lasagna from last night sustaining you through meetings or such…and it's gone. Ugh!" Another comment read, "I'm currently eating my partner's leftover pulled pork, but I asked permission first. Our rule is if it hasn't been touched on two days we probably forgot about it and it's fair game, but we still ask each other just in case."
Compromise is Not Easy
When you don't have the same viewpoint as your partner, one or both people must compromise, but it's not easy. One person shared, "I've been married 29 years and I absolutely adore my wife, but sometimes the compromises aren't great. We do it out of love and devotion but once in a while it sucks. Anything from going to family gatherings, to what to watch on tv, to home decorating. We each have our own hobbies and interests so compromise is essential to a good marriage." In response, another user wrote, "I've been married for far less time than you have, my friend, but this statement rings very true to me. In attempts to compromise, we've gotten ourselves into situations we both aren't excited about, and that's the worst outcome ever. Compromise is not easy!"
Not Having the Freedom and Space as a Single Person
Giving up personal time to spend with a spouse was another major topic of conservation in the Reddit thread. One commenter stated, "Not getting as much free time. I love my wife and I love spending time with her, but I also tend to like different kinds of movies than she does, so it's hard to find a good time to watch them. She always wants me to go to sleep at the same time as her when I'd rather stay up." Another person shared, "Lack of privacy. Sometimes I just want to be alone. I love my husband, but I do miss my 'go home, get pizza, don't talk to anyone' days sometimes." Someone else admitted, "Getting used to little quirks. He leaves the towel scrunched up, and I leave the bathroom window open for too long. Not having your bed to yourself. Doing laundry for two. But all these are just minor inconveniences in an otherwise great marriage. Oh, and not making plans for vacations by myself. I used to have much more freedom. Now we even have to schedule separate vacations together and plan around each other's schedules. I can't just leave on vacation with my friends spontaneously anymore."
Sharing a Bed
Differing nighttime habits can throw a routine or schedule off for spouses and many admitted to having separate rooms, which has saved their marriage. A woman confessed, "My husband and I have separate bedrooms. He snores like a bear and works the opposite shift from me. And we love it. We have our own spaces – he's a lot messier than I am – and I'm able to get a good night's sleep every night. We tried the same bed in the beginning when we both worked days, but someone would always end up on the couch with his snoring and moving around. I need my own space when I sleep lol. And then when he's sleeping during the day, I don't have to worry about waking him up if I need something from the bedroom. It gives us both some independent space." A husband shared, "Old married dude here, 22 years. We are wonderfully compatible in many ways but not with regard to sleeping in a shared bed. Neither of us ever got a proper night's sleep. We felt like moving to separate beds constituted a kind of failure or defeat, but once we did we both were able to sleep at night. We felt better, we were happier and it disappeared as a source of resentment and conflict." Someone else joked, "The older I get the more I understand why my Grandparents had separate beds."
Not Sharing the Same Taste in Food
It can be a challenge if spouses have different diets. If someone is vegan or vegetarian and the other isn't, it can be hard to share meals together. Or if someone has dietary restrictions due to health issues and the other person does not, that can also be hard as well, which is what many Reddit users are saying. A person who wrote, "Having to decide what to eat every night for the rest of your life while trying to accommodate the other," received over 27,000 likes and a ton of responses. "This is what we do," one reply revealed. "Beginning of the week, we plan and buy groceries for 7 meals. We now have 7 choices the first night, 6 choices the next night, etc." Another commenter wrote, "My partner and I have been together for about a year and I always do this. I ask what they want to be nice but if they don't know I just make what I want. If they don't want that, they are a grown adult capable of getting their own food." Someone else responded, "I sit down once a week, usually Sunday or Monday evening, look at the store ads, and make a shopping list and meal plan for the week. I ask her if there's anything she wants or needs from the store, then I make the decisions from there. She sends me recipes or meal ideas and will say things like "can we have X sometime soon?" and I'll work it into the next week or two. I take care of food probably 28-31 nights a month. (Leftovers count if I cooked the original meal!) Once in a while we'll get takeout, or she'll cook."