Men Openly Confess Why They Cheat and Their Reasons are Jaw-Dropping
Men reveal why they cheat and the reasons are shocking.
Having a loyal partner is something most people want in their relationship, but a straying spouse happens all too often. While men and women both cheat, psychologist Briony Leo says men cheat more. "Research tells us that on average, around 20% of men are unfaithful to their spouse, as compared to 13% of women," Leo told Brides. "Of course, the only research available is from self-report surveys, so the number might be somewhat higher—but most surveys and studies support this finding." That said, getting cheated on is crushing and besides feeling angry, sad and hurt, people usually wonder why. There's several reasons why people have affairs and men on Reddit are revealing the ugly truth about why they've been unfaithful.
One man confessed he cheated because he enjoyed feeling wanted. "Being wanted is very addicting, especially if you aren't often. The shame makes it worse, strangely enough — you can't really talk to anyone about being tempted, or even crossing the line. There's no support system from your friends or family who tell you that you're an idiot."
Another commenter said he didn't know how to leave the relationship he was in so he cheated. "I'll step up and answer honestly: I was too afraid of hurting my then-girlfriend's feelings to break up with her. So, I cheated. It seemed to justify the behavior in my brain — I realized I was so unhappy with this woman, it drove me to cheat. At times I thought I was going nuts — it doesn't justify it, but it was me 'acting out.' I eventually dumped her when I couldn't stand her behavior anymore, and yet still felt guilty."
Someone else confessed he cheated because he didn't have self-worth. "I cheated [because] I was trying to find value and my self-worth in sleeping with women. Growing up, I was far from being a ladies' man. In college, I worked on myself to improve my self-confidence, as all my life I had been longing to have someone who liked me back — all I ever wanted was a girlfriend. As my self-esteem grew, so did my luck with the ladies. Eventually, I was able to get a girlfriend (someone who was good to me), but I wasn't satisfied. I continued to look for validation from other women, which turned into cheating on my girlfriend. I thought I had discovered self-confidence because I could be more social and was more outgoing, but I realized that on the inside, I was still insecure. Growing up in my family, there were no good examples of healthy relationships, either — all of my uncles were womanizers. This probably had an impact on me as well."
One man shared, "I used the excuse that everyone had cheated on me, so it only made sense to do the same. Later on, I have figured out I didn't know how to experience love. I didn't trust anyone and was dealing with some narcissistic behavior after being raised by one. I don't think it was one thing — the conquest and thrill had something to do with it."
Most couples go through rough patches and fight, but one man had enough and cheated when he had the opportunity. We were fighting a lot, and I thought the relationship was gonna end inevitably regardless of whether or not I cheated. So, the opportunity came up on its own, and I took it with zero hesitation. I didn't know cheating would kill any small possibility of us getting better and growing together. By cheating, I essentially admitted through my actions that I had no respect for her. We tried to patch things up and make it work afterwards, but it couldn't work because I've already proven to her and myself that I'm not gonna be faithful when times get tough. I wasn't loyal or committed to anyone but myself."
One Redditor revealed how he didn't have any regrets that he cheated because she was "perfect." "It was the chance of a lifetime — she's the perfect woman. I had loved and chased her on and off since high school; we had been vague acquaintances at best, but I doubted she knew my name. One day, she messages me out of the blue if I was still living in the city I was living in, that she had some business, and asked if we could meet up. We meet and have an amazing time, there's some alcohol, and she comes back to my house. She says she's had a crush on me since high school as well; we decide to play a drinking game which becomes a taking off clothes game. I'm laying on my bed drunk in my underwear, she's standing beside the bed naked, and says: 'Now what?' I just couldn't contain myself anymore — I have absolutely zero regrets cheating."
Another commenter said he cheated because his wife had a health issue. "At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. My wife had an anxiety disorder which made [intimacy] painful for her — I thought I would get that need met somewhere else to take the pressure off her. I thought I loved her (I did, according to what I thought love was at the time), so I didn't want her to be upset for not meeting my 'needs.' I justified it to myself that way for a while, but I learned in the end that we were just unhappy together."
Another man said being too young and immature was the reason he cheated. "I was young and immature enough to be susceptible to all the pop culture messages that say 'being a player makes you cool.' One night, when I was out getting super drunk with my buddy, I met a woman and decided I wanted to be 'cool.' I woke up the next day feeling awful, and came clean to my girlfriend. I was so impressed by her not leaving me, I decided to propose a few months later." He added, "After several [bad] years and a divorce, I learned two important lessons: The first one being just because someone says the words 'I forgive you,' it doesn't mean that they actually mean it. They could still bring up your mistakes years later every time you get into an argument. The second lesson is just because someone does one really amazing thing (like forgiving you), it doesn't mean you should ignore all of the other unrelated problems in your relationship."
One man revealed he cheated because he wasn't as intimate with his partner as he used to be. "I talked to her about it after about three weeks of getting turned down every night, and she told me sometimes her … drive dropped off for a while. I understood that, because mine did, too. But then, three weeks turned into three months. I talked to her about it, but it changed nothing. I explained to her how it made me feel, and I asked her if there was something I could do differently — but she said it wasn't me. At the six-month mark, I got tired of fighting about it — I felt ugly and unwanted. There was a woman at my work who was into me, and we worked the same shift. We met up a few times before she gave me an ultimatum to leave my wife." He added, "I'm not justifying my actions. No one should ever do what I did. If it's so bad you feel the need to step out: leave. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I knew it would hurt my wife to find out, but I didn't know how badly it would hurt her. I would die 1,000 times before ever seeing that shattered look on her face ever again. I will never forgive myself for what I've done, and I know a part of her never will either."