Husband Refuses to Sleep Next to Wife if She Doesn't Shower Before Bed and People Have Plenty to Say

A man took to Reddit to share his marriage problems and revealed he refuses to sleep in bed with his wife if she comes home from work and doesn't shower. In his post, the 33-year-old explained that his wife is a doctor and he's not comfortable being exposed to "bodily fluids" from her patients. He alluded that this has caused issues in their relationship and asked Reddit if he was in the wrong. Many commenters sided with the man, but one person pointed out something that the husband hadn't considered before and now believes he could be wrong. 

In the post asking Reddit for their opinion, the husband said his wife is a gynecologist and works in a hospital who is "exposed to a lot of bodily fluids." He said he's "proud" of the work she does, but he's "uncomfortable" sleeping in the same bed as her if she doesn't shower. " I've asked her to take a shower before coming to bed, but she thinks it's unnecessary and feels like I'm being unreasonable. She argues that she wears gloves and takes precautions to avoid any contamination, and that her scrubs are changed regularly."

The original poster (OP) stated that even though his wife assured him that she takes precautions at work, he still wants her to shower. "I still feel uneasy about the potential exposure to bodily fluids, and I don't think it's an unreasonable request for her to take a quick shower before bed. Since my wife doesn't want to shower before bed, I have been sleeping on the couch in the living room instead." He also shared that his wife doesn't see the problem and thinks he's being over-the-top. "My wife thinks I'm overreacting and being ridiculous by sleeping on the couch, but I don't want to compromise my comfort and health. Am I [wrong] for choosing to sleep on the couch when my wife comes home from work without showering?"

Many people said they'd want their spouse to shower too in this situation and didn't understand why the poster's wife wouldn't bathe when she got home. "I know…I had to go to the ER a couple of weeks ago and was there for over 6 hrs, when I got home I COULDN'T WAIT to shower," one person wrote. Another stated. "Yeah, even if she uses all the precautions in the world, it's sweaty work. It feels good to shower after and get clean. Not even mentioning the germs that just exist in hospitals." Someone else wrote, "I work in an office and the first thing I do when I get home is have a shower. I cannot understand wanting to go to bed with a day's work of funk on you." Another wrote, "I am trying to understand how she can jump into her bed without bathing. It's just basic hygiene to me." Another added, "It's not unreasonable to want someone who has been in a hospital all day to take a shower."

Other doctors and healthcare workers defended the husband's position and sided with him. A surgeon wrote, "You getting sick previously is irrelevant. I'm also a surgeon. This is gross. Your wife needs to shower. You can PPE all you want, change your clothes, but you get sprayed with body fluids and there is just no way around this. She should WANT to shower after work and it is bizarre she doesn't see this." "Also healthcare worker in a hospital setting," one person stated, "Even if you don't get any bodily fluids on yourself you never know what microorganisms you've acquired. The first thing I do whenever I get home from work is isolate my scrubs and take a shower. It worries me that anybody who works in that setting is refusing to." Another person wrote, "I'm a midwife and the very first thing I do after a shift is peel off my sweaty, often blood/fluid covered clothes and shower. Gloves, masks, goggles, aprons, and hospital scrubs are rarely enough. Last week I had someone's water burst as a baby was being born & got soaked from knees to toes. Like, sure, I can take the scrubs off but the fluid has absolutely soaked through onto my skin anyway?" The commenter continued, "And basically every delivery ends up with me scrubbing blood off my forearms and elbows, despite gloves. Also this is disgusting so readers with a gentle stomach stop reading here. I have got amniotic fluids in my mouth & eyes before. Tbh masks since covid has been a godsend. So yeah. Healthcare workers should shower first thing after a shift imo. But I also think everyone should shower after work, and at the very least a quick wash before bed." A fourth added, "Yup, I'm a nurse myself, and I shower the minute I get home."

While there was sympathy for the husband and a lot of people agreed with him, others jumped in to defend the wife. One person asked, "My guy, do you know the precautions they take? She's not getting fluid on herself and just leaving it there, you are basically calling her unsanitary when she's probably cleaner than you are." Another added, "Your wife sees multiple patients a day. If this was any threat to you she'd have to shower between patients. I bet she doesn't have to do that. Of course she gloves up and wears whatever gear is necessary to not bring 'fluids' home."

Many of the comments were thoughtful, but one in particular helped the husband see things in a different way.  Someone wrote, "When you did sleep in the same bed with your wife, did you get sick more often? Do you sleep on the sofa when either one of you is coughing or sneezing more than usual? Have you noticed a difference in your health since sleeping on the sofa? How did you two handle her working in a hospital during COVID?" The OP replied, "That's a great question. I haven't, which makes me realise I might be leaning towards being [unreasonable]. She did bring COVID home at the beginning of the pandemic and we isolated together, which was fine. I think I draw the limit to bodily fluids I just "find gross" in an unjustifiable way. Thanks for your reply! The commenter responded again and wrote, "My cousin's husband is an ER doc, so completely changed his hygiene routine when coming home during Covid to protect the family and now has relaxed a bit to his pre-Covid routine. If your wife stepped up during COVID, then you can ask her to go back to that protocol if you have noticed a difference in your health. But if she behaved the same during COVID, then I'm struggling with the 'why now' of it all?"