13 Subtle Dating Red Flags That You Should Never Ignore

"I should have seen the red flags," is a phrase that many people say after a failed relationship. Protect yourself from having to repeat those words by getting educated about some of the most common red flags to look out for. Jacob Lucas, a UK-based dating coach has "helped millions of people get the love life they have always wanted," and regularly shares tips on TikTok with his 767,000 followers. Here are 13 red flags to look out for. 

In a recent video, he outlined five things people may do in early dating. "Number one, they will tell you secrets about their life that will make you feel pity for them early on," he says. He explains that people who have been through genuine hard times "very rarely share them with people who they just met," and that when they do, they are looking for a reaction. "And if they get the reaction that they are looking for, then they will think that you are easy to manipulate," he said. 

Bad mouthing a former partner is also something to look out for. "It's a red flag if he calls his ex crazy, blames them for everything, or overshares their relationship with you when he's only just met you," he says. "It shows that he's socially unaware because he should know that you don't want to talk about his ex when you just met him."

"Number three, he's indecisive," he continues. "You'll be the one who plans all the dates, and you'll be the one making all the big decisions in the relationship, because that person can't make their mind up about anything." It will ultimately "get exhausting for you," he says. 

The fourth red flag is him speaking badly about his friends. "He's the one freely choosing to hang out with these people," explains Jacob. "And if he's calling them idiots, nine out of 10 times he's going to be an idiot himself – birds of a feather flock together."

Number five is that he doesn't show traits you admire. "If you are open minded, and you'd like to grow as a person, and you have ambition, and you started dating a man who has none of these traits, then you will not work as a couple. [This is] because you either grow together or you grow apart," he says. 

In another video, he offers some more red flags that your boyfriend is cheating on you. "I have heard this happen so often lately, and it shocks me at how people think that they can get away with it anyway. Here are the signs," he says. The first? They refuse to post you on social media. "This one is obvious. The reason they do this is because they don't want their partner to see that they are secretly dating you."

The second is that they never introduce you to their family or their friends. "This is because they are scared of their family or friends telling their girlfriend about you, which will ruin their whole relationship with their secret girlfriend," he says. 

"Number three, he will always make an excuse for you not to go to his place. The reason is because they are scared of their girlfriend showing up at their house and then catching you two together and therefore breaking up their relationship with their secret girlfriend," he says. 

The fourth is when they are very hard to get in contact with "for no good reason," he says. "Well, there is a reason. It's because they are with their secret girlfriend and they are worried about getting caught talking to you."

The fifth is "whenever you ask him to hang out with you, he will give you the weirdest excuses as to why he can't," he says. 

In a third video, he offers some more red flags – this time, signs someone is using you for validation, and "has no intentions of taking things any further with you." The first is they keep ghosting you and then keep reappearing. "Every so often they'll probably start at home, they've got nothing to do, and they're feeling pretty low about themselves and they think, oh, I know who likes me and I know who will give me attention. Let me drop them a message and then expect you to give them the validation that they are seeking to feel good about themselves. Don't give them what they want because they will just do it again," he says. 

The second is that "they will breadcrumb you," he says. "They will give you just enough attention so that you think that you have a chance with them. For example, they will give you compliments here and there so that you think that they like you, or they will say things like, I'm not looking for a relationship yet, but I like you. So you might be able to change that in the future if you are patient. But they do nothing to progress a relationship any further. They just want you to chase them because it makes 'em feel good about themselves."

The third, is "you've been talking to somebody for a long time and then you start to make plans to meet up in person, they'll always make an excuse as to why they can't."