If you have a feeling something isn't right in your relationship, don't ignore it—there might be more going on than you realize. "Over the course of 11 years, I have learned that the reasons people cheat are complicated, varied, and rarely what they first seem," therapist Katerina Georgiou tells Newsweek. "I have seen examples where cheating has been a cry for help, a sign one or both partners are not coping, a desperate attempt to save the relationship, or an indicator that one partner is feeling trapped. Sometimes, it's even part of a wider pattern of addictive, self-destructive behavior." Worried your partner might be cheating? Here are 11 relationship red flags never to ignore.
A drastic change in appearance could be a sign of infidelity. "If your significant other suddenly starts exercising and eating healthier, that could be a sign that they are trying to appear more attractive to someone (possibly you, but possibly an affair partner)," says Robert Weiss, PhD, LCSW, CSAT for Psychology Today.
Being overly protective of their phone could mean someone is hiding something. "Many telltale signs of cheating have to do with unusual or suspicious behavior regarding the cheater's phone," Dallas Family Law Attorney Christine Powers Leatherberry tells Connatser Family Law. "Most people can tell something is up when someone acts strange when it comes to their phone or other technology. For example, if your spouse's phone is on the coffee table, he or she hears a text come in, then quickly grabs the phone so you can't see the message, that can be a red flag."
"If you and your partner were cheating on your previous partners when you got together, there's no reason why this couldn't happen again," Georgiou says. "And, the conditions that brought you together could make you more paranoid than usual. Unfortunately, once paranoia creeps into a relationship, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy."
Not getting a straight answer from someone could be a red flag. "For example, this may take the form of defensiveness when the non-cheating spouse asks why the cheater is spending more time away from home," Leatherberry says. "I've often heard a client's spouse has claimed he or she was going to a board or committee meeting when they were meeting their lover instead."
If your partner is suddenly unreachable when they never used to be, it could be a bad sign. "If your partner is cheating on you, they are less likely to answer your calls and respond to your texts," Weiss says. "You may hear legitimate-sounding excuses like they were in a meeting, they were driving, they were in a 'dead zone' and didn't know you were trying to get in touch. If your partner is unreachable while working late or on a business trip, that's a bad sign."
Others might realize something is up before you do. "I once had a client tell me her parents knew her spouse was cheating long before she did," Leatherberry says. "Her husband used to call her every night on his way home from work, and he stopped doing so. That's how the parents knew. Again this demonstrates a change in pattern. It's not uncommon for other people to notice your marriage is in trouble before you do."
Dishonest behavior can lead to paranoia. "When your partner has the capacity to do something like cheat, lie, or steal they will assume you might be doing the same," relationship coach and author Jackie Viramontez tells Business Insider.
Unusual or explained charges could be a sign of infidelity. "If there are odd charges on your partner's credit cards, or there is suddenly less money in your or your partner's bank accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, etc., that's a possible sign of infidelity," Weiss says. "If you ask your partner about these expenses, and their answers seem untrue, it's likely that they are untrue."
Is your partner suddenly encouraging you to stay away more? "If your partner suddenly becomes permissive of you going out more, working late, and taking trips without any indication that they will miss you while you're away — and this is a strikingly different response — then they may be using their free time to cheat," relationship expert Weena Cullins tells Business Insider.
Is your partner trying to avoid spending quality time with you? "The cheater may give more excuses to be apart such as, 'Oh, I've got book club on Saturday night,' or 'I have a client coming into town on Sunday,' when they weren't doing those things before," Leatherberry says. "Again, this goes back to unusual behavior."
If you just can't shake the feeling that something is not right, trust your gut. Speak to your partner and explain how you feel. "If you keep finding yourself feeling suspicious that something's up, and every attempt to question it is batted away with an explanation, start paying attention to your instincts," Georgiou says.
